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Dating Tips Q&A:
Getting Your Groove Back
After a Breakup
By David DeAngelo
>>> THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
OK, before you read the
email that's featured in this question, I have to WARN YOU.
This guy obviously likes my materials,
and he shamelessly promotes my Advanced Dating Techniques
Program about a bazillion times.
I actually debated about whether
or not to use this email, because I didn't want it to just
come across as cheezy... but the reality is that this email
contains some killer insights, and I want to make some comments
and use it to point out some VERY important lessons.
So I'm going to leave in the over-selling
of my Advanced Series, and you enjoy this newsletter...
David,
I recently ordered & received the Advanced Series.
Wow, this is what I have been looking for. First of all...
THANK YOU. I think you have taken a whole bunch of complex
processes and teachings and combined them into some very useful
material that is digestible and sets a path to gaining some
real skill.
I have been down since an ex-girlfriend thrashed my heart
three years ago.
I mean I had my ass handed to me, and I have been in a serious
rut with Women.
I just turned 40 and that hit hard. I was feeling sorry for
myself and thinking I was never going to get laid again. I
have been joking with my buddies for a while about being in
need of an operation to have the needy teddy bear inside of
me surgically removed. I had been saying. “I need an
operation, I am a terminal nice guy”. I have now re-framed
that and recognize that I am implementing my “wuss-cure”.
By Thursday I completed all of the CDs of the Advanced Series.
I have taken every opportunity to go through the material
when driving. Coming into this past Friday night I began my
second run.
I am lucky that I have already been building my Mastermind
Group, unfortunately that has not been enough because I have
not been getting it. I have been failing and at the same time
watching my buddies score left and right. I got to the point
where I was meeting women but doing stupid clingy stuff to
repel them. You know, calling to soon, showing too much interest
and worst of all being the polite, nice to girls, no conflict
boy my mamma raised me to be.
Friday night I went out with one of my boys who is a Jedi
Master. We started the night at a pub and discussed strategy.
Yes, I made it clear I was seeking advice and wanted to learn.
We reviewed a recent failure where a girl I wanted and had
a brief cuddling experience with ended up wanting him instead.
She started calling him; he had just been over to her house...
I was not hung up on the girl, I was focused on the idea that
it was not about the one, it was about the skill. I knew it
was not my friend's intention to win this girl; she was simply
attracted to him and not to me. So anyway, we debriefed on
the situation and it was all-good. We then set out on the
hunt.
I was pumped with the idea that this is my reality and she
(whoever she was, was a guest). Well, it worked. We stopped
at a new pub; my friend went to the bar and ordered a couple
of beers. When I walked up to the bar he was waiting for our
beers and strategically wedged between a group of girls.
I asked him... hey, what did you order for me? A cute little
23 year old next to him looked at me and said “oh, he
ordered you a Zima...” Hey, this is Seattle and Men
drink Beer. It was on; I played, had fun and could have cared
less about the outcome. I have not had any real action for
a long time. My game was on; she drove me home and did not
leave until after sun was up. I got very little sleep.
As she was leaving I casually said “hey, write down
your email address and phone number so I know where to reach
you”. The closest thing I had to write on was a coaster
with another girls name and number on it; I turned it over
and had her write on the back. Because I had been a good student,
I had been spanking her whenever she did something good.
She wrote: name, email, home number and in big bold letters
at the bottom “NO SPANKING”.
Game on.
Thanks,
~L. -- Seattle
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Very nice.
I'd like to comment on a few of
the things you've said here, and point out some very important
points that you've brought up.
First, you said that you found
yourself in a situation where you had just broken up with
a long-term girlfriend, and you'd just turned 40. You were
feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like you might wind
up never succeeding with women again.
I'm not 40, but I can certainly
identify with the situation you were in.
In the past, whenever I would break
up with a girlfriend, I ALWAYS felt a lonely, insecure, NEEDY
feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Nature has cursed many of us guys
with an instant and automatic DESPERATION mechanism that kicks
in the moment a woman leaves us... lol.
It really does suck. I can remember
it all too well, by the way. Thanks for reminding me!
But really, I think that most of
the men walking around on this planet knows that feeling of
wanting to have the Wuss inside surgically removed at that
very moment.
GOOD JOB getting back on the road
to success, by the way.
The combination of getting some
good education (by way of my Advanced Series), and, VERY IMPORTANTLY,
your group of guy friends who you went out with, was a good
thing.
I'm proud of you for believing
in yourself enough to DO SOMETHING, and not just throwing
in the towel, and sitting in your desperation alone... doing
nothing.
As you well know, I highly recommend
spending time watching guys who know what's up as they interact
with women... which you've done.
One thing you mentioned REALLY
caught my eye, though...
You mentioned that a woman you
had spent some time with, and even CUDDLED with, wound up
liking one of your friends.
This is usually a tough thing for
most guys to handle.
But you REALLY did the right thing.
You didn't take it PERSONALLY.
In fact, you REALLY, REALLY did
the right thing when you TALKED to your buddy about it, and
went over what happened.
You took the perspective that it
was more important to LEARN THE SKILL than it was to GET THE
GIRL.
Bravo!
(By the way, I used to have a friend
who would always get upset if any guy ever talked to any of
the women he had talked to. Of course, he never had any success
with ANY of the women in the end. On the other hand, I have
a few friends who could care less if you talk to ALL of the
women they're talking to... they just don't get jealous. Guess
what? They're all the most successful guys I know when it
comes to women and dating. Coincidence? I think not...)
To put this whole thing differently,
it's SO important to always try to get the LESSON in a particular
situation instead of the GIRL in that particular situation.
If you don't get the lesson, you'll
keep banging your head against the wall (or rubbing it against
your palm, whichever)... but if you GET THE LESSON in a situation,
it will help you for the rest of your life. Get the lesson,
and don't worry about the particular girl. It's never worth
it to take things personally in these types of situations.
On to the next topic...
You mentioned that later in the
evening you went to a pub, and got into a conversation with
a girl...
You only HINTED at the nature of
the conversation, but from experience, I know exactly what
the “vibe” was.
You asked your friend what he ordered
you, and a girl nearby teased you and said “A Zima”.
And I'd be willing to bet you a
dollar that you DIDN'T answer her by acting like a WUSSY.
Nooooooo, no.
You knew what to do.
You now understand something that's
KEY.
You now “get” how to
have a conversation with a woman that sparks ATTRACTION and
actually CREATES “chemistry” and sexual tension.
In the past when you were interacting
with women you probably did the same thing that most of the
guys on the planet do (and the same thing that I did for YEARS
of my own life)... You were an EXTRA NICE GUY.
You never said anything “edgy”,
you always let the WOMAN lead the conversation, you never
said anything controversial, and you always carefully listened
to what she said so you kept the conversation “positive”.
You know what I'm talking about...
that friendly, sterile, no-tension, artificially sugar-coated
nice-guy kind of conversation?
The kind that every one of us guys
tries to keep going when we meet a girl we like... or we take
a girl out on a date, etc....
The kind that attractive women
HATE... and the kind that bores women to TEARS!
What's interesting to me is how
INSTANTLY women respond to this kind of overly-confident,
fun, energy-charged banter... and how women RUN from guys
who use the “I'm such a nice guy, and I want you to
like me” kind of talk.
By the way, nice touch turning
over a coaster from a bar that already had a girl's number
on it and having her write her info on the back.
You certainly are starting to get
it, my man.
Well, I could go on and on... and
there are some more great gems of wisdom in your email.
Let's just say, if you were closer
I'd give you a strong, manly slap on the back and tell you
that you're almost not a Wussbag anymore.
If you're reading this right now,
and you're at that point in your life where you've turned
an age that's getting you down... or you've just broken up
with a woman that you've been together with for a long time...
or something else has you feeling like you're never going
to be able to “get your groove back” when it comes
to women, then LISTEN UP.
It does NOT have to be that way.
I honestly believe that you can
improve your success with women DRAMATICALLY if you CHOOSE
to do it... and you LEARN HOW to do it.
Stop sitting there wishing for
things to change and hoping that a super-model jumps off the
T.V. screen and MAKE IT HAPPEN for yourself.
I've spent a lot of time now figuring
out the things you need to do to increase your success with
women... and I honestly believe that any man can do it, IF
he TAKES ACTION.
You heard the things that this
particular guy learned from my Advanced Dating Techniques
program. There are hundreds and hundreds of success stories
just like this one.
I want you to be next. Really.
If you're ready for an IN-DEPTH education
on everything from overcoming fear and approaching women...
to getting numbers and dates... and taking things to a “physical
level”, then you MUST get your hands on a copy of my
my eBook “Double Your Dating,” and you need to
do it NOW. It's my original manual for success with women
and dating, and it's the place to get started if you want
to take your success with women to the next level.
While you’re doing that, sign up
for my FREE newsletter at the same time. Every week it is
packed with great emails like this one and information that
you can use to take your success with women to the next level.
You can download here right now:
David DeAngelo
is the author of “Double Your
Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful
With Women”, and has taught
thousands of men how to be more successful with women and
dating.
Copyright 2010 David DeAngelo Communications
Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your
Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications
Inc.
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