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I'd like to tell
you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely
familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who
was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive
man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began
to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent
with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional
attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger
and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because she couldn't tell whether or
not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say
things that led her to believe that they shared a special
connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship”
stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional
email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened
up about something personal or emotional, and invited her
“inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who
was “falling in love”. He was acting like a
friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would
be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold.
Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes
he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all
this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more
insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing
things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting
conversations or asking him if he was interested in her
and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the
less time he seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing
over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion
that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the
same way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him
know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and
he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed
and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew,
didn't call her and wasn't really “available”
to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he really loved her
too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for
a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her,
and that he was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard
enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything
on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't
go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just
how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big
step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter...
again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with
him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time,
but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times,
the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy
and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have
to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call
back.
Over the following months, the woman
tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what
happened.
THE END...
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heartwarming, huh?
I know; I should keep my day job, and
not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings
true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story
that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY
with it.
And why does this particular story resonate
for some women?
Because lots of women have been there
in one way or another... at one time or another... and many
have been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular
story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences
that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one,
really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me, because I see them
as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that
they represent.
In this particular situation, I think
there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a SECRET that
lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality
that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts
to confess her love, convince him to like her and court
her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK;
they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that
a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT
like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional
dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do
things that make the man go away.
It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic,
that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships
without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding
what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process
of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this
painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand
what's going on a little better, if you think about what
it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately
wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention,
approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just
seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you
great things about yourself and how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that
we humans don't always understand the message that we're
communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT
to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY
understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses
over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I
don't think that her appearance is communicating the message
to men that she thinks it is”...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to “let a man
know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation
at that time, or he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going
to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the
man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just
as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE
into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”,
he'll start behaving differently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the
“Instant Ewww”?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use
the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt
about a guy that was “confessing his love”...
and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return
by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a
woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice”
about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit,
and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier
in their mind, that closes off communication or contact
with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear,
is what's happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might
have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards
a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving
him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS
perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something
to “confess”, you've created a TURNING POINT
in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting
some “special attention” from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing
him and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE
TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can
actually repel a man and make him even more detached from
his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you”
or “change how he feels about you”, by doing
nice things for him.
Doing “nice” things for a
man who isn't attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires.
Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling,
that makes it so he'll perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over
again in life, because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to
them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding
of ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you
like them, and you want to make them like you more... and
you do some nice things for them, they will probably like
you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like”
in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it”
for you, and you do something nice for him, because you
want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will
not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance
himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate
verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the
necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes
you
Well, remember... if you follow this
pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already ATTRACTED
to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like
THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell
him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws”
and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this
problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're
in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you
don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something
nice to show him how much you think about him or write him
a love letter...
Don't send him a note to his work that
says, “From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without
hearing from him.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about
you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead
of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp
as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier
than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels...
and if you don't know how to read and create those signals,
then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you
in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”,
will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and
interest in you will grow.
Really.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into
this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION
from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics
of how and why men have the physical and emotional response
of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're
doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT
skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before
and I'll write about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the
very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION
for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and
attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how
attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play
into the longer term “stuff” around dating,
and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind
of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of
women will never know about.
The eBook is called “Catch Him
And Keep Him”.
I've spent several years now, studying
the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”,
communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes
them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I'm
talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky
in love”. Where everything involving men seems to
come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe
that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out
by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making
men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term
aren't “obvious”, at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense...
and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation,
if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check
out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts,
tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008,
Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian
Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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