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Dating Advice:
First Impressions That
Make Men Want More
If you've ever wondered
about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early
so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than
just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting
and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell
you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into
how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for
men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking
to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and
exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of
impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about
trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole
thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get
past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to
be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only
if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and
only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction
works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction
actually works for men, and how it could be different than
how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference
between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical
attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly
connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional
level?
I'll give you a minute to think about
the question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they
know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy”
just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and
sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women
never really change their ideas or “strategies”
on how they go about finding and creating love, connection,
and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just
aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question
from above about what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just
a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION
WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual
dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper”
kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about
some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take
your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you
and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION
AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall
apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to
think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues”
that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything
about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds
are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your
mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not
just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself
for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and
the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy
to find your own understanding of how things really work with
men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense
schooling or training to change your love life for the better
and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you
know is there for you with a man.
Let's talk about how things often work
in those first encounters between men and women, and what's
going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions
are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make
almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman
right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has
a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered”
through that impression, and it colors almost everything he
sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to
make?
Let's start with the basics and look
at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her
number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally
means one of several things:
- “I think you're interesting enough to see again
and find out if I could be attracted to you...”
(not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
- “I had a great time talking and I'd like to do
it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and
attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even
though there's a “logical” or rational connection
or bond with things in common)
- “I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to
hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything
else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling
just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious
intentions beyond getting physical)
- “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something
more”... so I want to see you again to explore these
feelings and find out what you're really all about...”
(feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where
they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important
to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already
at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the
biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their
precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for
having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips
for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify
the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about
how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”,
pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something
like, “I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here
about asking questions and finding out the “real deal”
early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have
fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will
actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions
in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally
mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated
in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind
of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with
all kinds of answers about the man's real character and
mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that
men can communicate on this open level because of their
experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence
above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the
“IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in
a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own
perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance
and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our
own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone
and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can
say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just
by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone
of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women
communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify
about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole
story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able
to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested
in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection...
and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women
ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a
playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot
by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication
is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”,
such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting
at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink
wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly
and silently communicating is that your questions are about
fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION,
then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and
respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes”
and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn
to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time
with.
When men interact with a woman and they
see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”,
they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know
why.
In fact, many times they can't help but
want to commit to something more serious with these women,
even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the
relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets
of how ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive
attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she
might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated,
etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF
for most healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about
is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So,
what do you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response
that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but
doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I
run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so
and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah
blah...”
But wait... these are interesting things
about you as a person that someone should know about and value,
right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great
conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be
great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and
say important things about you, but you've got to realize
that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that
makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry
you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...
Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously
untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men
will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what
you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right
away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell
him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover
how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on
your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious
way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what
you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably
even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge
you back and take things up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging connection...
instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational
conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to
those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff.
But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a
deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult
and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything
else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on
how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's”
to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the
iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes
to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier
about what makes the difference between a man that is interested
in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical
connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection
and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively
early age that men can experience just a physical attraction
for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more”
than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep
Him”, I explain in detail what that “something
more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual
Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman
that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into
a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook,
“Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear
understanding of how men really and truly think about women,
dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how
to improve your love life just by reading this section and
understanding more about what's really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges,
resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships,
and show you how to think about it differently and be able
to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and
again with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to
the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create
a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you
shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship
just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection
with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction,
then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and
make things better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns
and strategies that haven't completely served you well with
men.
Take the next easy step towards your
new improved love life where connection and growth won't just
come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling
so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading
you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the
book is really going to change your love life for the better,
then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you,
just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email
me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free
for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know
and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can
even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and
watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless
than you might have ever imagined it would be.
So what are you waiting for?
Go get it right now:
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
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