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I realized something
important this week about how men think and act.
It's that men who pay attention and think
about the feelings they have, why they have them, what they
mean and how to talk about them are RARE.
And it's even more unique and special
for a man to pay attention to his feelings in relationships
with women and to be able to talk openly about them.
So like everyone else, I like to think
that I'm special.
But am I really different than other
men?
Ok, I'm hoggin the newsletter for myself,
my ego is getting carried away...
Here's what I want to talk to you about-
Why can't men talk about their feelings?
It's like they're helpless morons when
it comes to knowing and sharing how they feel with you.
And why do men react so weird when you
want to talk about things like issues, emotions, relationships,
commitment, marriage?
The answer is pretty fascinating but
has more than one simple dimension to it.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever asked a man how he feels
about you or your situation and then he starts acting all
freaked out?
He turns into a deer in headlights.
Or even worse, he starts getting angry
and frustrated and turns the conversation back on you with
unrelated problems or issues.
Well, you've run into the BRICK WALL
guys have with relationship communication.
And guess what?
It's YOUR fault!
Yep, I'm not letting you shift the blame
to someone else for what matters in your life.
As some of my more enlightened friends
like to say:
“Don't go to victim”
If you know someone can't communicate
a certain way, it's up to you to find a better way.
Then once you can reach them you can
help them improve.
As the saying goes,
“Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice and shame on me.”
So are you continuing to bang your head
against the brick wall?
Shame on you!
Lots of women do - all their lives over
and over in relationships until they've become convinced
that men are idiots and you can't ever make things work.
Quit it for cryin' out loud!
There's a better way, but you'll never
figure things out just trying what makes sense to YOU.
Don't be RIDICULOUS!
(here's where I get all up in your face!)
Planning and approaching issues in your
life just by what “makes sense” is not only
naive, it's honestly pretty stupid.
That's why people go to school, they
go to college, they study and read, they go through job
training and THEN they go out and make a go of it.
So how much thinking, planning, reading
and learning have you done around the things that effect
your relationships and your love life?
Maybe you picked up the latest best-seller
by some publishers daughter on something dumb like how swans
mate and are monogamous and you and your guy can be beautiful
and happy like swans in love too...
Hey, not a bad idea. Maybe I'll write
a book about that.
Not!
Seriously though...
Are you banging your head against the
wall?
Or are you looking to learn?
Here something fascinating to learn...
Men have a “SECRET BUTTON”
you can push that will make communicating with them almost
effortless.
And if you learn what it is and how to
use it you'll be able to get at what he really thinks and
feels... and teach him how to talk to and understand you.
So let me take you through a situation
I guarantee you've either been in before or you'll be in
with a man...
HELLO!
That means pay attention because this
is one of those “universal situations” that
can mean priceless knowledge for you.
Let's say your talking with a man you're
interested in and you want to take things to “the
next level” but you don't know how.
And you've been waiting on him to talk
to you or express his interest or love for a while.
But he hasn't done that, and you get
a little disappointed and frustrated with things.
You've tried being patient and talking
with your friends but you've got to know how he feels and
you need things to move forward.
So what do you do?
Well, most women build up everything
they're thinking inside until they have to let it out in
one big emotional release.
And guess what men see when this happens?
No, they don't see how much you care
or love them and how amazing it is that you want to be with
them.
Somehow instead of seeing the good and
the positive intentions you have, they see intense negative
emotions that they can't understand.
And men get scared of emotions that are
really intense or that they don't understand.
Most of all, they just aren't used to
them.
So when you share your feelings and want
to know his feelings for you, he freaks out.
He either becomes the “deer-in-headlights”
guy or the “angry-frustrated-scared” guy.
Most women do what makes sense in this
situation - they push and encourage the man to talk, to
get in touch with his feelings and to share HER feelings.
But men don't see it as positive encouragement.
They see it as you being “over-emotional”
and pushy about the issue.
(Yeah, I know... Men are freakish emotional
creatures!)
When you resist or react negatively in
any conversation, everything becomes more difficult.
And the WORST mistakes you can make here
with a man I call the 4 Deadly Sins:
- Assuming - that he knows what you want
or expect
- Begging - for him to “give you”
what you want
- Convincing - trying to make him feel
the way you do
- Bullying - bullying him into your way
of thinking or feeling.
You will never have any long term success
with a man if you keep doing these.
You'll be beating yourself against the
“BRICK WALL”.
So what's the “SECRET BUTTON”?
Well, remember that there's a catch to
all improvements in your life, right?
So the same goes for this button thing.
You’ve got to make it happen by
changing YOUR communication first in order to push his communication
button.
It’s up to you to get a man’s
fears and defenses out of the way so you can get to the
bottom of things.
And getting past the masks men can wear
with women out of fear is the essence of “pushing the
button”.
Here's the 5 basic steps I've recognized
that you can use to push his “secret button”.
And I'll give you some examples to give you a general idea
of what these are as best I can in a short newsletter:
Step 1) The Primer
This is a the “starter” for
the conversation that will build an entirely positive context
- and it might seem like something you could skip, but it's
actually the most important step. It might be something
like starting off talking with positive comments about the
time you've been spending together and some of the great
times you've had. The idea is ALL about setting the right
context so a guy becomes positive, comfortable and opens
up.
Step 2) Casual Introduction
This is the first step into “where
things are going”. Instead of springing “the
talk” on him, keep talking about positives, the good
things, the things you want to continue that are WORKING.
If you don't have too many of these things, think harder.
You're interested in a future with this guy for some reason,
right? But don't just compliment him. Make sure it's about
BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just about him.
Step 3) Applying With Positive Strokes
So now you're tuning into each other
a bit in the conversation and sharing thoughts about the
good things you have together.
Then tell him, “Hey, you know what's
great? I bet you and I see things differently, which is
OK, but I love spending time with you and we have such a
great time together”.
Again, you’re getting into a conversation
about relationships that will eventually turn to your situation,
but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger
any resistance or fear from the man - and this is what you’re
aiming for.
Step 4) Non-situational Honesty
Step 5) Active Listening
Step 4 and 5 are a bit more complex so
I'll save them for another time.
But steps 1, 2 and 3 are a lot to work
with and get you thinking.
If you follow these it will blow a man
away
AND even better... it will create massive
ATTRACTION!
Yeah, imagine that.
By talking about serious relationship
“stuff” you won't scare a guy off.
No, you'll actually make his attraction
for you STRONGER.
How?
Well, men secretly wish that they had
women that they felt completely open and comfortable with
to share their feelings, thoughts and desires on subjects
they usually have a hard time with.
It feels REALLY good to talk about things,
especially if they've been bottled up!
I bet you've felt that too.
When you push the button for a man, he
experiences a kind of open and honest communication “release”.
And the more intense the topic or issue
is, the more amazing and “freeing” the experience
is.
For men, there's nothing tougher and
more foreign than getting really in touch with their emotions
and sharing them with someone.
When you're then one to do this, men
almost can’t believe it.
They instantly see you as someone unique,
rare, and “cool”.
And when you can talk about tough issues
in a way that makes them easy and fun and you have the right
amount or “detachment” from the outcome, it
makes men EXTREMELY attracted to you.
So what exactly are these 5 detailed
steps to push a man's communication button?
I talk about each step in detail, exactly
what to do, and the common mistakes to avoid in my eBook:
“Catch Him And Keep Him”
You can check out all the details here:
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008,
Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian
Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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