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Hey,
Have you ever thought that some men just
don't like strong smart women like you?
What's up with that!?
Are men that weak and immature?
Well, let me ask you an important question
about the men and love in your life.
By the way, how you answer this question
could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving
and almost effortless relationship that works out in the
long term.
Or...
Being single and lonely because every
man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from
the love and connection you know could be there.
So here's the important question I have
for you:
Does not having the love and relationship
you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?
Think about it for a second.
I'm asking, because I recently got an
amazing email.
In the email, a woman shares her realization
about herself and men that has changed her attitude and
perspective about love for the better.
Check out her FASCINATING email....
>>>> Email From A Reader
Christian,
I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite
insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that
is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I'm not exactly
new to the dating game, each experience I have had with
dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new
and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I
think I see the light. In reading your notes about women
who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too
interested and men's responses to them, I totally saw myself.
While I am more than a little reserved about an outright
appearance of "needy" (I'm a very attractive, well educated,
highly successful woman and I don't NEED anyone...right??)
I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner
emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if
I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It's my inner
control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little
nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning
myself in places where I might "run into" him (I swear I'm
not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in
this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life
with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying
to take control and ensure the proper development of this
"relationship". (of course- I'm always in control, right?
That's how i've gotten so far in my career and other areas
of life...) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control
the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural
flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional
cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your
book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues
enough to realize that my "control" was actually making
me lose control.
Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns,
but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends
who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully
built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence,
and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It's
a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and
winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic
interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication
in which we must evaluate the other person's point of view,
but as just another part of the life scheme that has been
set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other
that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is
that. you never "have" another person. Nor should you. Your
book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going
about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I
firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for
me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be
viewed as a means to a relationship with another person,
not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person's
needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate
from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to
pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just
doesn't make sense when you put it that way. And you did.
As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able
to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE.
With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations.
Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home)
that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank
you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective,
no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really
think this will change dating for me.
Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri
>>>> My Response
Wow.
I love hearing from smart, analytical
and thoughtful women like you.
Thanks for being so open and sharing
your personal experiences... and for the feedback about
my book.
There's something that's really FASCINATING
about what you've brought up.
Over the last several 20 or 30 years,
as women have started to enjoy a more “equal”
place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something
strange has happened.
Have you noticed that women are often
no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine”
once they've become independent and successful in their
own right?
I have.
And not coincidentally, everywhere I
go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are
intimidated by successful women and don't want to be with
women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.
Well, with so many women talking about
this phenomenon, I've thought a lot about how and why this
is happening to women.
And why men are responding the way they
are.
How can being smarter, more independent,
talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become
something negative?
After lots of research, observation,
and personal experience, here's what I realized about the
“plight” of the successful and independent woman...
I'm about to tell you the reasons why
successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women
finding love.
REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL
WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS
Have you ever noticed that other smart
and successful women around you are often the ones alone
or in the least fulfilling relationships?
And have you ever noticed that no matter
how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn't make
her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated
woman might face?
How can that be?
Does that mean an education and success
is worthless?
No. But it does mean that one doesn't
have ANYTHING to do with the other.
Lots of women assume that since they're
intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little
dating or relationship dilemma.
They think that all it takes is enough
focus and determination and they'll work everything out.
This couldn't be farther from the truth.
You can't “think” a man into
feeling something for you.
Just like you can't get a man to treat
you differently just because you logically figured out what's
wrong with him and let him know.
In fact, doing the latter is more likely
to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly
in his arms.
Being “right” doesn't mean
you'll be loved.
REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN
DON'T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH
I can't tell you how many women I talk
to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or
intimidated by, successful or independent women.
I get where they're coming from, but
they've confused one thing for another.
The truth is, men DON'T DISLIKE successful
women. But they DON'T LIKE them either.
Let me explain...
It's obvious in this day in age that
being successful and independent aren't “male”
qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they
have them.
But here's the thing...
Most men DON'T CARE how successful a
woman is.
I literally mean it. They don't care.
Here's why:
No matter what a woman does for a living,
and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is
going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.
Following me here?
Are you attracted to a man JUST because
he's rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?
Obviously not. A man's success can add
to his appeal, but it doesn't create it.
Men aren't any different in how they
feel about women.
But lots of women who are successful,
secretly believe that their success should change how men
act around them.
And some women, just like men often do,
start to rely on their success to try and attract men.
The truth is, success isn't going to
turn a man on or create a great situation.
If a woman doesn't UNDERSTAND how to
attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming
successful isn't going to change that.
But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT
men and create the right situation for love AND also happens
to be successful will.
REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON'T GET
YOU THERE
Being successful can be a nice quality
or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man's
mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels
ATTRACTION or LOVE.
But lots of successful women seem to
be disappointed by this.
Understandably, they're frustrated that
the respect and status that they've earned at the office
or in life hasn't translated over to their love-life.
Even though in the back of their minds
they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for
men all these years.
WRONG.
This isn't how it works for men either,
so let me use that as an example.
Just because a man is successful or rich,
a genuine and open woman doesn't care anything about that.
She only cares about how he makes her
FEEL.
Most women just want to know that a man
makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he's open and
loving and he'll always be the strong and solid person that
he is today.
So even if a man is rich and handsome,
if he doesn't LEARN to become a good partner who makes a
woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman
isn’t going to respond.
Like it or not, it works the same way
for successful women.
Success won't buy you love, affection
or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.
It just might help get you in the door.
REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES”
CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS
Successful women have obviously found
and used smart “strategies” to get where they
are with the people around them.
They try and test all kinds of new ideas,
approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and
then they stick with what's best.
And things go great. It's like they've
got the world and everyone around them all figured out.
That is, until they run into a “guy-problem”
and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and
stop working.
So they just take their best strategy
and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work
since they've seen the world open up to them with it.
But there's no results this time and
it's a total shock to the system.
Men are the WORST at doing this by the
way.
Tons of husbands come home each night
and try to run their family and marriage with the logic
and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.
How do you think that works out?
REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY”
PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH THEM
Have you ever thought about how a man
falls in love with a woman?
One of the most important and central
elements of love that takes a man from just “interested”
to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a
LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the
woman.
And no, this doesn't mean that he gives
control over to the woman and she has it.
I'll explain...
When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION
and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN'T know exactly what's
going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.
And if the woman isn't acting controlling
or manipulative, then there's a “space” or “void”
that's created between the man and woman.
It's this natural “psychological
space” that moves the man closer and closer to the
woman as he's trying close the “emotional gap”
between them.
Then the man begins to wonder what he
can do to win over more of the woman's affections and attention.
And it's this out of control feeling
and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the
woman that starts the classic patterns of love.
Unfortunately, lots of successful women
get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that
lead to love from taking place.
The most common way that successful women
get in their own way is when they starting doing things
to control each and every aspect of what's going on between
her and the man.
*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like
those that the reader mentioned in her email.
Like plotting to be where a man will
be and then pretending to have “run into him”.
I think a lot of us can identify with
that kind of behavior in one way or another.
The problem with these kinds of behaviors
is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.
These are self-manipulations that stir
up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.
AVOID THESE kinds of things, because
they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.
It's part of what's called a negative
feedback loop.
What's most important here is that these
behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension”
a man and a woman both feel when there's a “natural”
flow of energy between them.
REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED
TO BEING IN CONTROL
Most mature women want to have a great
relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy
once they've found a worthwhile and attractive guy.
But often times their desire to have
their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually
drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they're in
and the man they're with.
Successful women have an uncanny ability
to pull together every aspect of their life and make it
work.
But what happens when successful women
who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into
a situation where they can't CONTROL the outcome and the
other people involved?
What happens when there is NO LOGICAL
SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things
work out the way they're used to?
What happens when they get involved with
a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?
In these situations, successful women
often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin
to panic.
And then FEAR kicks in because they're
not used to not having total control of their environment.
So they start doing whatever they can
think of or what works for them in other situations in order
to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.
Of course, what they often do to try
and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn't
take into account the feelings and desires of the man...
and so it backfires.
The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy”
and then he withdraws.
You might unfortunately already know
that story.
What's fascinating here is that the woman's
attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they
are productive.
Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what
he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn't
usually work for women - it often works AGAINST them and
repels the man.
REASON #7: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP
OF USING “MASCULINE ENERGY” TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE-LIFE
The energy, drive, focus and discipline
that can push women to success in their work can be a potent
force to create the outcomes they want.
Unfortunately, this same attitude and
approach DOESN'T translate over to getting outcomes women
might want with men, love and relationships.
In fact, this attitude often becomes
an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation
with a man.
Successful women often make the mistake
of approaching men and relationships with the same kind
of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control
things at work.
They start to lead their interactions,
conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine
energy”.
This energy is very direct and purposeful
and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to
overcome and break through barriers.
But it isn't the energy that creates
an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.
The “feminine energy” is
the energy that attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him
how and why to stay open to a woman.
This feminine energy is what shows even
the most clueless and reckless of men how to become great
and loyal partners - just like it's the masculine energy
that ATTRACTS women and shows them a man's strength, love
and character.
Now, I'm not saying that women don't
and shouldn't have masculine energy. Lots of attractive
and interesting women are full of masculine energy.
But I've learned that women can be VERY
SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to
use masculine and feminine energy.
The key is awareness.
So let me ask you....
When a woman uses or leads her interactions
with a man with their more “masculine” energy,
what happens?
Most men aren't able to open up or attach
and connect with a woman who's meeting them with their “masculine
energy”.
It doesn't make a man FEEL close, comfortable,
trusting and it doesn't draw him in to connect with her.
In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY
to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.
When some women talk about men not liking
successful women, this is what they're talking about.
Men don't like the masculine energy that
a woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT
to a man:
How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she
makes him FEEL.
So let's wrap this up for now...
One of the most critical things that
I see successful women “missing” in their interactions
with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of creating
“Intellectual Attraction” - and using their
natural “feminine energy” to do so.
A man might enjoy the idea of a woman
being successful, but it isn't going to make him think about
her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.
A man doesn't think, “Gee, she's
got a great job, makes good money and doesn't depend on
anyone else to support her, I think I'll be into her.”
Actually, it's the exact opposite.
A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!
He instantly falls for her, and he can't
exactly explain why.
And that's because there is no reason
or logic to why it happens - it happens inside a man's mind.
When a man becomes attracted and interested
in a woman, it's because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were
TRIGGERED by something about the woman.
And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing
or “success” in a woman's life can control this.
If a man doesn't FEEL IT for a woman,
nothing else will do the trick.
But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction
for her, then it doesn't matter how successful, gorgeous
or shapely she is.
After years or research and observations,
I've finally “cracked the code” on what actually
works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.
And you'd be surprised to learn that
ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start
learning to use them in her own life and relationships.
Of course, I'm not just talking about
that “one-night stand” male kind of attraction.
That's easy. Seduce a man.
I'm talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up-
all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has-
to” attraction.
That deeper and more intimate “relationship
material” attraction.
I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.
In my ebook I talk about how any woman,
including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can
learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that
they put up in their lives that men respond negatively to.
I discuss specific steps and theories
about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense
passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long
term situation with a man.
So what do you have to lose?
I'll even let you try my ebook free just
to see if you like it.
If you don't, all you have to do is email
and I'll give you a full 100% refund... AND you can still
keep the book.
That means all YOU have to do is be willing
to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be
better than it is right now.
And believe that you can have the chemistry,
lasting attraction and love that you deserve.
So go check out my ebook for free and
be on your way to the next great phase of your love-life.
Go here now:
And best of luck in life and love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2010,
Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian
Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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